Taking An "L"

Taking a break from the normally song titled posts, bear with me.

So, have you ever loved someone that wasn't good for you? Have you ever felt strongly for someone who seemingly had no problem with hurting you? Have you ever had someone who you love more than life itself, and you know loves you the same way tell you they only want to be your friend? No? It's confusing. extremely confusing.

Our title today comes from the relationship principles of the GREAT Patrice O'Neal. Patrice is a stand-up comedian, but he has an interesting take on relationships, so he has been given his own radio airtime now and then to give advice. Multiple callers have called and asked "Patrice, how do I get out of the friend zone?" Patrice's advice is simple on paper, but complex and difficult to put into practice.

First, you gotta think if you're ok with possibly losing this person forever. If you are, you tell them straight up, I got plenty of friends, that's not why I'm with you. I'm with you because I'm interested in you romantically. Friendship comes out of that, sure, but it's a different kind of friendship. So what it boils down to is this, I want to be with you either romantically, or not at all. Then it's up to them. And if they still say they just want to be friends, this is the most difficult part, you take the "L". Taking the "L" comes from sports, where teams have a "W" category and an "L" category, for wins and losses. And if the object of your desire still says they just want to be friends, you take the "L" and you walk away.

What does this have to do with me? I'm in a taking an "L" predicament as we speak. An ex who doesn't know what she wants keeps playing with my heart and hurting me over and over again. She used up her last chance tonight. She says she "Just wants to be friends" when I know for a fact that's not how she feels about me. So, I'm forced into this predicament. Is it gonna suck? Oh, most definitely. Is it going to hurt? Worse than anything. Is it necessary? It's SO necessary.

So, dear reader, my question to you is this, at what point do you realize you could never be "just friends" with a person (I know I have readership of both genders)? I liked this girl a lot, but my never going back moment was the moment I told her I loved her and she said she reciprocated. I knew at that point, there was never any chance that I could ever be just her friend.

I'll Kill Her

Yesterday, I found out that Cee-Lo (one of my favorite musical artists, and half of Gnarls Barkley) put out a new mixtape for free. He put it out in the beginning of June and I just found out about it, so I had some catching up to do. I listened to it for three hours straight yesterday on repeat. It’s that good. One song stood out more than the others. It’s a cover of a song named “I’ll Kill Her” that was originally done by a French artist named Soko. Cee-Lo took this song from a one-sided homicidal rant by a possibly crazy young woman, and turned it into a dialogue.

But don’t take my word for it. Listen to the song. Do it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6D-1WHXJHZ8

There’s something about this song, it not only caught my attention, it demanded it. I’ve been trying to figure it out since I first heard it, and I think I found the answer.

Part of me wants a girl like that.

Crazy, right? Part of me wants a girl that is possessive. I mean, granted, this is a bit overly so, but just the idea of someone being like, “You’re mine.” for once is desirable.

The other part of me though finds it completely off-putting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an incorrigible flirt, and if a girl likes me, I almost feel obligated to pursue it because it doesn’t happen often. However, if it gets to the point where they get overly possessive (Beyond “You’re mine” platitudes getting into extreme physical or emotionally overloading possessiveness) or get upset if I talk to other girls or something, I guess you could say I shut down. I mean that in the sense that I go through the motions with them, but I don’t really feel anything.

I don’t know, should that be added to the long list of reasons I’m damaged?

ANYWAY, that’s only one of the points of this post. The other is, GO DOWNLOAD THE STRAY BULLETS MIXTAPE. It was released free online, so go find it. It’s amazing. 5 out of 5.

Once I Had Me A Dream, But That Dream Got Kicked In The Head...

Dream dead.

So six or seven months ago, I had an idea, a dream. There was this movie theater in Palm Bay that had gone out of business, but it was still a theater. I had an idea for an amazing theater. More of an experience and a night out than just a movie theater. I'll go into detail about it in another post.

I found out not too long ago that the theater had been bought, and was now a second run dollar theater.

Even though I never could have realistically created this theater, and gone to school at the same time, it was a dream. I thought about it a lot. In my head, it was flawless. But then, it got stepped on by a dollar theater, that probably didn't even renovate. I'm not gonna lie, I teared up.

Right now, all I have in my life are dreams. They're what keep me going, because a lot of the time, my current reality certainly isn't a driving force. My dream of being the first member of my family since my great uncle to get a Ph.D. My dream of being world renowned for my knowledge in the field of serial killers. My dream of one day definitively solving the jack the ripper case. My dream of one day having a family. Etc.

What is it about dreams? What is it about figments of our imaginations that we get so attached to? Is it because no matter how many people we tell about it, they'll never be able to visualize the dream in their head the exact same way you do? Maybe it is, maybe in that sense, our dream is so personal, that we have no choice but to become emotionally attached to it, because it's our's, like a child, but even more singularly our's. Even if we can make a dream a reality, does it ever really live up to the figment we had thunking around in our head?

What are your dreams?

Welcome

Hey,

I'm Josh.

I'm 22 and I live in Palm Bay. Just as an aside, I'm also an incredibly large human being. Like, really fat. But that's not important right now.

I have an Associates degree in Crime Scene Technology, and next year I'm going back to school to start the long journey to become a Ph.D. in Forensic Psychology.

I want to be a profiler. I want to catch serial killers, rapists, and predators.

This is my new blog, Spatter Pattern.

Now you may be asking, "Why in the world would you call a blog Spatter Pattern unless it was about...well, spatter patterns."

For those uninitiated, a spatter pattern is the pattern blood leaving the body, through any means, makes on whatever surface it comes in contact with.

Well, to answer your question, I consider my headspace a lot like a spatter pattern. It looks like a complete mess, but there's an order to it, a science to it, and it all means something. Something can be derived from it if you have the right equation.

Well, the equation just happens to be this blog. So sit back, put on some goggles and gloves, and enjoy the pattern.